Why do cats have to rub up against everything? Why is it that every freaking day my daughter's cat finds it necessary to walk between my legs making sure to rub up against each leg at least 10 times. And why is it that the cat normally decides that the perfect time to walk between my legs is when I am walking? Why is it that when I am ready for work and I'm wearing my clean and nicely pressed black pants it occurs to the cat that what would really accentuate my black pants is half of it's freaking fur. And lest you think I'm exaggerating, the cat's fur actually explodes off of it in little puffs of fur as the cat walks around the house. So it's not that I'm a bad pet owner, it's that I have a bad cat.
On a totally unrelated point I started going to church this year after taking a few decades off. I am doing my best to be a better person. There is one lesson that keeps coming up over and over and over again and it is this; love your neighbor as yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself. Love your neighbor as yourself. And everyday as I go about my life trying to be a better person, that thought runs through my mind. I tell God that I am totally on board and I'm going to do my best but maybe he could mention to my neighbors that it would help if they could stop acting like such assholes.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
3rd Grade Science Project
I've been helping my daughter with her 3rd grade science project. She has to collect 10 insects and build a little display case and label them, etc. The display case is not the hard part because if you want to find insects then all of a sudden they are scarce. The rest of the time they are happily biting your ass immediately the second you step outside. If you need the little bastards there are none to be found. I agreed to take Meghan to the field outside of the zoo because there is tall grass there so of course there should be plenty of insects to capture. We spent about 10 minutes and we caught a grasshopper and a moth. We have a month to get the project done so I told her that was enough for now. We left and pulled out of the zoo parking lot onto the street that is 5o mph. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something. I swerved onto the shoulder of the road and then threw it into reverse and backed up. There in the middle of the road was a caterpillar running like the star running back for USC.
Meghan asked what I was doing. I was hesitant to tell her because she is such a sensitive girl. I finally told her that there was a caterpillar in the middle of the road but I advised her that there was a lot of cars coming so the caterpillar might not make it. The first car flew by and the breeze sent the caterpillar rolling across the highway. After 8 or 10 revolutions the caterpillar stopped, regained it's bearings and again started charging to the side of the highway. The other 8 cars blew by. Each time the caterpillar somersaulted across the highway, stopped, gained traction and began it's journey again in earnest.
After the last car passed I stepped into the highway and scooped the caterpillar into a bag for my daughter. It was only a few moments after we had accelerated onto the highway when I found out that the caterpillar was NOT going to be part of the science project, now it was going to be part of the family. I hadn't hit 50 before it had a freaking name.
Within 10 minutes we were home and the caterpillar had leaves to eat, a couple of twigs to crawl on and a nice plastic jar to live in.
That night "Baby" went everywhere my daughter went. At one point she dropped the jar, for the third time as I recall. I picked up the jar and placed my ear to the lid. "Honey, he wants to know if we can put him back in the middle of the highway."
The next morning I had to leave for 3 days of meetings. After I explained to Meghan why I couldn't take "Baby" with me we decided to release her into the wild. Which meant dumping the plastic jar into the bush in front of the house. "Baby" is now free, so if you are flying down the highway at 75 mile an hour and you see a butterfly coming towards you, please swerve even if it means rolling over in the ditch, that could be "Baby" coming at you.
Meghan asked what I was doing. I was hesitant to tell her because she is such a sensitive girl. I finally told her that there was a caterpillar in the middle of the road but I advised her that there was a lot of cars coming so the caterpillar might not make it. The first car flew by and the breeze sent the caterpillar rolling across the highway. After 8 or 10 revolutions the caterpillar stopped, regained it's bearings and again started charging to the side of the highway. The other 8 cars blew by. Each time the caterpillar somersaulted across the highway, stopped, gained traction and began it's journey again in earnest.
After the last car passed I stepped into the highway and scooped the caterpillar into a bag for my daughter. It was only a few moments after we had accelerated onto the highway when I found out that the caterpillar was NOT going to be part of the science project, now it was going to be part of the family. I hadn't hit 50 before it had a freaking name.
Within 10 minutes we were home and the caterpillar had leaves to eat, a couple of twigs to crawl on and a nice plastic jar to live in.
That night "Baby" went everywhere my daughter went. At one point she dropped the jar, for the third time as I recall. I picked up the jar and placed my ear to the lid. "Honey, he wants to know if we can put him back in the middle of the highway."
The next morning I had to leave for 3 days of meetings. After I explained to Meghan why I couldn't take "Baby" with me we decided to release her into the wild. Which meant dumping the plastic jar into the bush in front of the house. "Baby" is now free, so if you are flying down the highway at 75 mile an hour and you see a butterfly coming towards you, please swerve even if it means rolling over in the ditch, that could be "Baby" coming at you.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
A Hamster in a Hurricane
We've all heard the expression, "like a hamster in a hurricane." Okay, me neither but it should be an expression and here's why. Tonight the kiddo came to me complaining that she can't sleep because of her hamster. I went with her to check the situation out even though to be honest I could hear the noise in my room with both of our doors closed. I had a pretty good idea what the problem was. The hamster cage I bought for my kiddo has a giant wheel for them to run in. The wheel was full of hamster food so every time they ran, the food would go half-way up the wheel and then come crashing down. It was noisy and annoying but better then hamsters she has had in the past. In the past the hamsters would be chased by fully digested food. Okay, before it was crap, a big load of hamster crap. So as I said, food is better. The obvious solution was to clean the food out of the wheel. Only two problems, 1) One of the hamsters bites....a lot, 2) I really don't like to get bitten by hamsters and 3) damn if I can tell the difference between the two hamsters. I tried to coax the hamster out to no avail. I finally disconnected the wheel and took the wheel with the hamster inside out the garage. I fired up the Shop-Vac and stuck it over the mouth leading into the big hole the hamsters use to get into and out of the wheel.
The hamster continued to walk around the wheel until he got to one of the openings leading to the center of the wheel and then he would stretch out his arms and legs and all of his fur would be laid flat by the air pressue from the vacuum. For fun I would slap the bottom of the wheel to try and make him lose his grip. In case you have ever wondered, hamsters have a pretty good grip when they are trying to avoid being sucked into the Shop-Vac of death. I got the wheel all cleaned out after 5 minutes and the hamster although it seemed tired didn't seem any worse for the wear. Which gives me an idea because I am so tired of cleaning cat hair off all my clothes....
The hamster continued to walk around the wheel until he got to one of the openings leading to the center of the wheel and then he would stretch out his arms and legs and all of his fur would be laid flat by the air pressue from the vacuum. For fun I would slap the bottom of the wheel to try and make him lose his grip. In case you have ever wondered, hamsters have a pretty good grip when they are trying to avoid being sucked into the Shop-Vac of death. I got the wheel all cleaned out after 5 minutes and the hamster although it seemed tired didn't seem any worse for the wear. Which gives me an idea because I am so tired of cleaning cat hair off all my clothes....
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Let's Try This Again
I had a blog before this on myspace. I set a record for the number of uses of the F-Word, I also rang the bell on the anger meter. So, now I am trying to be a better person. My biggest fear about becoming Churchy Churchington was that I would become boring. There are a lot of things I can accept. Being boring is not on that list. I am trying my best to be a good Christian and a good person. But being boring and predicatable I just can't stomache, so....we'll see I guess.
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